Socialism Run-Amok aka the US Government

Left-wing health care proposals are only the latest in a vast socialist takeover of the government. While the Commucrats will assault you with failed logic—“people have the right to live”—I propose not only crushing health care reform, but a complete dismantling of government institutions designed to tax the successful and give to the lazy. Below, I list a few:

1. Public Education: For too long we have funded the welfare factories known as public schools. If children cannot afford to attend private academies, then they should pick up a paper route like honest, hard-working Americans. The fact that a child receiving a free education could one day take a spot at a university from someone that paid for future success is abhorrent. Moreover, the fact that said child might also get loans to pay for that college education goes against all reason—the only unearned financial breaks college students get should come from their parents. I do not want or need all children to get an education, but just to grow up to be respectable, intelligent citizens that impose no burden on the public.

2. The Post Office: The fact that anyone can send correspondence for mere cents speaks to the socialist distribution of communication capital that infects our society. If privatized, the postal industry could serve those wealthy enough to afford the privilege, while eliminating the glut of “mail moms” that heedlessly send out utility payments without any concept of the true costs of their actions. A better solution, of course, would be to cut out the middle man and dismantle postal services altogether. If you can afford a personal delivery driver, pilot, or horseman—and requisite truck, plane, or horse—then, by all means, send out letters to whomever you please. For the rest of you, I feel no pity, because, in all honesty, at this point, you probably owe me money for willfully taking advantage of a public service.

3. Libraries: If knowledge is power than it ought to have a price. The fact that public dollars go towards making it easier to read stuff betrays an immensely anti-capitalist sentiment. Not only do I use the knowledge that I learn in books to make informed decisions, but also to sound intelligent at dinner parties and other social gatherings. Imagine, if you will, a homeless man showing up at your dinner party and upstaging you by quoting and interpreting Aristotle’s Nichomachean Ethics. I bet that would make those college loan payments look even more depressing. We need to protect the right of the wealthy to horde knowledge from the masses, or we never know when some poor kid from the South End might become our boss based on government subsidized intelligence and ability. (Of course, the government wants these “plants” to run our private institutions, knowing exactly where their loyalties lie.)

4. Law Enforcement: In addition to the fact that the Second Amendment renders public police forces completely redundant, their existence poses an ominous threat to those of us with means. I pay top dollar for the small army of mercenaries that guard my private villa and surrounding acreage, and it pains me to think that some punk kid wandering into my yard to retrieve his Frisbee could call on his own government Gestapo forces after taking fire from my men. Those that can afford to protect their own interests should do so, while those that cannot should work for someone that can. This new, post-serfdom socialist experiment fails in almost every meaningful way, and history itself condemns its efficacy.

These stand as only a few examples of socialist government programs that need quick dismantling. Others include Social Security (if you are too old to work, then you are too old to pay rent), the DMV (do away with licenses, Social Darwinism will quickly distinguish between those that belong on the road and those that do not), public transportation (I pay you once you get to work, I shouldn’t need to pay FOR you to get to work), and museums (keep art where it belongs: over the mantels of those offering top dollar to thieves and tomb-raiders). Because all of you out there that oppose health care reform neither take advantage of nor benefit from any of the above institutions, I will assume that you wholeheartedly support my stance.

As for health care, you do not have a right to life or health. All I ask of you is to refrain from infecting others, while still maintaining a vigorous work schedule. As long as your problems in no way affect me, then I really do not view them as problems at all. And, as I see it, the health of the technicians that maintain the buildings in which we work, of the cashiers at the stores from which we buy our groceries, of the people that repair our vehicles, refrigerators, washing machines, and dishwashers, of the people that pick our fruit and prepare our meat—this does not really affect or matter to me. I am fully responsible for my own success, and I owe them nothing.