I started this blog as an opportunity to say something, with the unintended consequence of feeling pressured to actually have something to say. The inclination to put words to paper just to keep people reading, despite the absence of genuine inspiration, tempts even a casual “writer” such as myself. I cannot imagine the world of a professional writer, with deadlines to meet and audiences to appease and other actual responsibilities. Especially since the best way to keep the masses tuning in, it seems, is to weave a disparaging tapestry of nit-pickiness and judgmental axe-grinding, or, as my oft-mentioned pal Jason put it, “snarkiness.” We find ourselves subjected to a world of farm-raised critics bred from Simon Cowell’s DNA and suckled off of Kathy Griffin’s teat. In this atmosphere, I find it only fitting to take a step back and offer a tribute to something utterly pure and beyond all possible reproach: awesomeness. Specifically, three unequivocally awesome events taking place on a single awesome day, forming a mighty trinity of awesomeness deserving of honor and esteem befitting a mighty king returning in glory from battle. I present, then, three instances of awesomeness.
Instance of Awesomeness #1: This blog now has four official followers
Congratulations, folks, we did it! After days of struggling to get the world’s attention, it seems that the tide turns in our favor. With the mighty damn breached, La Revolucion Insustantial drips ahead at a mighty trickle. Something akin to Ronald Reagan’s famous demand of Gorbachev (re: Wall), history will record this as a pivotal moment in our movement (Note: please replace the word “history” with “my diary”). I say “our movement” as a nod to all those who made this occasion possible—Jane. our first follower, without whose pity I may never have found the will to post again; Michaela, my adoring sister, who bowed so gracefully to my bullying efforts at getting her to sign up; and lastly, my dear friends Jason and Jessica…I don’t really know why they signed up, but kudos to them.
Whether or not you agree with my stances or even like me personally, I now have irrefutable evidence that at least four people have, at some point, visited this page. And that, you must admit, is pretty awesome.
Instance of Awesomeness #2: I got offered a job today
Many people across this great nation are unemployed, but I got offered a job. Awesome.
Instance of Awesomeness #3: Transformer 2 rocked
If you read professional reviews of the new Transformers movie, you no doubt know all the reasons why the movie stinks. If you just came out of an IMAX screening, you don’t know anything, because your ear drums, retinas, and nerve endings were just obliterated, immediately following an awesomeness-induced seizure. Trust me, I don’t swoon over just anything that goes boom on screen, but this movie is like a stick of butter wrapped in a taco, blended into an energy drink and fed intravenously into your bloodstream. Seeing it twice in the same week might actually disintegrate your central nervous system, and leave you with sweet, sweet phantom awesomeness upon which your body would feed until it grew into a stronger, more awesome version of itself.
If, by now, you still cannot grasp the awesomeness of today, then take this into consideration: at 2:30 in the morning, fueled by no caffeine, medication, or narcotic, I write this tribute, energized only by the natural elation of three separate events, fused together according to some cosmic revelation to form a trifecta of pure, unadulterated awesome. So let the critics and cynics be damned, for as they fall this awesomeness will rise, and, like the sun, provide warmth, light, and the continuing promise of new, more awesome days to come. Cheers to the fans, the woman that offered me a job, and to Michael Bay. In the face of insurmountable doubt and scorn, you offer something so irrefutably pure and awe-inspiring—which is pretty damned awesome.
Instance of Awesomeness #1: This blog now has four official followers
Congratulations, folks, we did it! After days of struggling to get the world’s attention, it seems that the tide turns in our favor. With the mighty damn breached, La Revolucion Insustantial drips ahead at a mighty trickle. Something akin to Ronald Reagan’s famous demand of Gorbachev (re: Wall), history will record this as a pivotal moment in our movement (Note: please replace the word “history” with “my diary”). I say “our movement” as a nod to all those who made this occasion possible—Jane. our first follower, without whose pity I may never have found the will to post again; Michaela, my adoring sister, who bowed so gracefully to my bullying efforts at getting her to sign up; and lastly, my dear friends Jason and Jessica…I don’t really know why they signed up, but kudos to them.
Whether or not you agree with my stances or even like me personally, I now have irrefutable evidence that at least four people have, at some point, visited this page. And that, you must admit, is pretty awesome.
Instance of Awesomeness #2: I got offered a job today
Many people across this great nation are unemployed, but I got offered a job. Awesome.
Instance of Awesomeness #3: Transformer 2 rocked
If you read professional reviews of the new Transformers movie, you no doubt know all the reasons why the movie stinks. If you just came out of an IMAX screening, you don’t know anything, because your ear drums, retinas, and nerve endings were just obliterated, immediately following an awesomeness-induced seizure. Trust me, I don’t swoon over just anything that goes boom on screen, but this movie is like a stick of butter wrapped in a taco, blended into an energy drink and fed intravenously into your bloodstream. Seeing it twice in the same week might actually disintegrate your central nervous system, and leave you with sweet, sweet phantom awesomeness upon which your body would feed until it grew into a stronger, more awesome version of itself.
If, by now, you still cannot grasp the awesomeness of today, then take this into consideration: at 2:30 in the morning, fueled by no caffeine, medication, or narcotic, I write this tribute, energized only by the natural elation of three separate events, fused together according to some cosmic revelation to form a trifecta of pure, unadulterated awesome. So let the critics and cynics be damned, for as they fall this awesomeness will rise, and, like the sun, provide warmth, light, and the continuing promise of new, more awesome days to come. Cheers to the fans, the woman that offered me a job, and to Michael Bay. In the face of insurmountable doubt and scorn, you offer something so irrefutably pure and awe-inspiring—which is pretty damned awesome.
2 comments:
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was fantastic.
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